The Quiet One

2010-01-22T15:25:00.002+08:00

Feel like posting something but the feeling's gone.
hahaa

Btw it's supposed to be a day we celebrated a birthday today. But well...

We really missed you old man.
Al-Fateha

Redundant post

2010-01-07T13:17:00.001+08:00

OMG!!
I'm working tomorrow!!

Pun

2009-12-09T20:11:00.001+08:00

C: Erm sir, where you here when we first call you that time?

Me: Yes, I beleive so.

C: No wonder. You looked familiar. Like i seen you before.

Me: Of course you've seen me before. I'M HOT!

2009-12-01T19:26:00.001+08:00

I HAD IT A LOT WORST WHEN I'M YOUNGER THAN YOU.!!

BLOODY CRYING ASS WIMP!!

When day is night

2009-11-18T10:58:00.001+08:00

4 straight nights.
Seriously, takes a lot from ya.

and now.
the cycle continues.

-Peace

Almost sick.

2009-11-08T22:08:00.002+08:00

I can feel it.
This headache.
I got it almost every other week.
It's soo sickening.

Headache.
I hate you.
Pls go away.

-Peace

2009-11-07T19:10:00.001+08:00

Where are you?

I'm lost.

Come find me

CRAP!!!

2009-10-11T22:34:00.002+08:00

Someone told me got 14days leave left..
Someone says that the leave they gave us during training was 'free'
after that i took 3 days leave..
Check with the system and it states 14days available leave.
then they infd that they haven accumulate the leave we took..
and that 'free' is not 'free'..
Ok, so... errrr

Manual calculation..
yada
yada
yada...
I GOT 3 DAYS WORTH OF FREAKING LEAVE..!!!
hmm, shift work..
so..
if i take 1 day leave, they'll deduct 1.5days..
which means..
I GOT 2 DAYS WORTH OF LEAVE LEFT!!!!!
WTK!

hari raya haji - 1.5 gone..
cousin's chalet - errr...
cousin's birthday - errrr...
friend's chalet - errrrrrrr...
friend's birthdaySS - errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

ARH!! SCREW IT!!!

- Peace..
ARH!! where got peace!!

When the world comes down

2009-10-11T00:47:00.000+08:00

HELP!

2009-10-07T22:27:00.002+08:00

SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO 'EFF' PEOPLE UP..!!

Dear Sister

2009-07-05T12:56:00.006+08:00

Honestly, I'm worried about you.
I don't know what you're thinking.
I don't know what'd I've tried.

Anyway..
Please get well..
I miss the old you..
Here's a song for you..

Miley Cyrus - The Climb

Keep climbing
Keep moving
Have Faith
You're stronger than you think sis..

Your Bro,
Idir

-peace

Father, I am Strong. Believe Me.

2009-04-13T23:17:00.002+08:00

Something happened.
ALLAH swt loves him more.
Fate had come upon us.
There's nothing I can do.

Firstly, thanks to everyone who came.
Thanks for the moral support.
My grandparents, uncles, and aunts, thank you for everything.
I apologise for some of my uncontrolled behaviour.
All your words had been edged deeply into me.
I promise, I will be and is strong.

Father, you're a good man.
You've worked hard.
You've thought us well.
You are remembered by many.
Uncle quoted you (I think) that,
"if you want to know my real friends/family, wait till I die"
And the turnout yesterday,

was overwhelming.

I'm posting up an e-mail from my cousin.
Abg Rejal, thank you.
It means alot knowing how people sees my Father.
I've heard lots of other stories too,
let alone, many other words of encouragement.
Thank you

"
assalaamua'laikum!

dearest both of you,

:)

i have been contemplating hard as to whether i should share with you how sad i am in the passing of my beloved uncle. i fear that by sharing with you this, i may just as well open the wound in your hearts which at this point should be in the process of remedy - however difficult that may be.

but yet the pain that i feel is so immense that i need to perhaps let it out and that you may know that my uncle and your father is someone that we will always feel and remember with a sense of lost.

he feels the room wherever he goes - of course not by his sheer size, only, but more so by his warmth, easy going mannerism, laughter, jokes and all that we are to familiar with.

he was my favorite uncle and i am sure i am not the only one who share such sentiments.

when you guys were smaller, and our side of the family use to be more close knitted, cik sani was the person that i would always look up to, then (and of course i still do especially looking at you, his product and the testament of his good character that must have rub on you). he gave me plenty of advice while growing up and at this point in my life - i appreciate the things that he says even more now. i only wish, i could have been around him more often but alas, Allah is the best planner.

he was the most forthcoming of all uncles about the wedding too! which, i know will pain me so much that he will not be there. but don't worry about me (and kak huda) ok?

i will alway doa for him and i hope you both will continue to do that also. he has pass on, which all of us would one day encounter - at this point, i am very sure, his passing was a smooth one and he is at peace as I am writing this. yet, you must continue to pray for him - for the amal of someone carries on through 3 items (1) knowledge he has shared to others (2) wealth he has given in charity (3) children who are pious (soleh) that continues to pray for him.

munirah, there is nothing more you could do now but to pray for him. and be the sister, woman and muslimah that your father would have want you to be. he must be proud of you - i remembered while i was younger seeing the toils he went through yet the satisfaction in his eyes playing with you guys.

you are training to become a teacher now. he would have been so proud to see you walk in the graduation robe though how much he would remind you that he is not .... haha. i don't know.

but i am certainly proud of you and i hope you become the person he always wants you to be.

you must be strong too. i wanted to say that so much earlier, but my heart was still in pain that i had to choke back my own tears.

khidir, i am sure he would be proud to see you pass out. and i know how difficult it would be for you. but remember that it is not the presence of you dad in person that is important - but his good qualities, mannerism and akhlak that should be present on that day and for all days to come.

be the person that you are, and the person that your dad would want you to be. do know, that Allah does not set on a person something that in which he or she cannot overcome.

"On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear" al baqarah:286

i see so much of him in you and you are turning into a fine young man, if not already - but there are always rooms for improvement ok :)

teruskan and make your mom proud. jaga mak dan adik-adik baik baik.

i am really happy looking at both of you. my uncle has done such a good job. i have always wish, all this while, that i will be as good of a father as he was.

at this point, i am concern about Musa and Harun - they will miss growing up with one less excellent figure in their life. both of you have such a task. i pray that Allah will strengthen and make you good role models for them as your father was for you, and us.

nuaimah, i hope, too will be well and be in peace through this difficult circumstance.

subhanallah. i have teared so many times writing this and i can only imagine how you both must be feeling.

may Allah gives you and the family strength, and brings you closer through this difficulty. i am always a message or call away - munirah, kak huda too if you need an older sister to confide to (she is good with girls - haha).

take care, and do well, both of you, in your studies and life in general - he would not expect anything less. both of you shall not disappoint as i know you won't.

always a call away,

"abang rejal" (i have always felt that "abang rejal" is a corny term) "

Bpak, don't worry about us.
Don't worry about me.
I'm stronger than what you see me as.
Believe in me.
You've thought me the things I need to know.
You've told me that I am already prepared for life the moment you gave me my driving licence.
I feel that I am.

I'll do my best, to be the man you want me to be.
I'll do my best, to ensure the things you've brought up would never fall.
I'll do my best, to ensure your expectations of our family will be fulfilled.
I'll do my best, to protect the things that needs to be protected.
I can promise you all that.
I will be strong.
I will not cry because i know you hate it when anyone cry.
I WILL Not Cry.

To be the head of the family, I'm ready.
Tenangkanlah hatimu itu.

Selamat Tinggal, Ayahandaku, Mohd Sani.
ALLAH swt sayang kamu.
KAMI sayang kamu.

Assalammua'laikum waramattullah hiwabarakkatu.

"Idir, you should be happy.."

2009-03-27T23:10:00.002+08:00

I know..
A lvl result is 'good'..
This test is done with..
That test is done with..
'Fun' all day in bunk..
Soccer every week..
Free food..
My Ipod coming..
POP is coming soon.. (riiight)
haha!!
...
How could I not be happy huh?

So, if I'm just stoning in there, in my own world..
I'm probably just reflecting on a number of things or just plain tired..
I'm cool..

-peace

It's neither...

2009-03-07T08:52:00.005+08:00

So.. Got my 'A' level results yesterday.
We booked out early. So fun.. haha

Anyway, the weeks prior to the result was what I would consider tense. A lot of things happened. And most of them hit me in that one moment I'm at home. Things like:
- My dad kena accident la.
- My aunt got back with her ex-husband??
- My cousin tried to kill herself?
- Grandpa got problems with his liver?
Aper ni smua?
And the term, "have you heard?" has such an obvious answer 'no'.

I worry alot, I prayed alot.
Before I sleep, I prayed for everyone to be safe, to be healthy.
I've been doing that a lot lately.
Especially with the results coming.
I pray for the success of not only myself, but others as well..

So got back to MI yesterday.
I miss them all, the guys, gals, teachers, hockey!!
Many things had changed.
The way people had toned up or down.
The way relationships are formed or broken.
The way attitude changed for better or worst.
But lets be happy here, everyone I want to see is seen.
Then the result came.

People cried for joy, for sadness.

People smiling

People not giving any shit..

When I got my results.
It spelled 'BED'
Maybe i need more sleep..
Or maybe its to remind me of the bedbugs that disturbed me then..
haha
So,

I was neither happy nor sad.

Just neutral.

I'm happy that I'll be passing out with a corporal rank with this.

I'm sad that my choices for Uni courses are limited.

I'm living life as 'normal' for now..
I have more than a year to decide where i want to go anyways..
So I'm taking my time..
I am just considering courses in BSc(Ed), FASS, or maybe business.

So, congrats to everyone got the full cert..

Be happy with whatever results you get.
I'm certain that no matter what, something good will come out of it..
Because things happen for a reason..
Chances will come and go. Don't waste it..

-Peace

21

2009-02-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

I've watched the moon for 5 mins..
It changed position..
And i felt the world move..
Before i knew it, I'm 21..

14th Feb..
My bday
V day..
An opportunity for many businessman..

Whatever la..

Anyway..
Spend half the day at suntec..
Eventful? Yes!!
Thank you
You're welcome =)

Very crowded there

Spend the other half of the day at Changi CSC..
Celebrated 2 kids birthday which was on the 12 and 13th..
Happy birthday to us 3..
My cousins got me an adidas cap and an espirit shades..
I'm like woah.. so ex..
But, Thank you

Got home..
Small celebration.. Family style..
Unwrapped the goods..
They were good..
Thank you =)
My aunt gave me a guitar they never use..
so un-tuned..
Thank you =)
Then, I got to know that someone left a bouquet of plastic flowers with chocolate on my doorstep with my name on it after i left the house..
I don't want to believe my sisters, but they were so 'convincing'..
So.. err, Thank you??
Now I'm scared if it's another version of 'nasi kangkang'

Alright..
I'm 21..
full stop.

thank you to everyone i see today..
=)

-peace

1 month

2009-02-06T23:11:00.004+08:00

This day, one month ago i entered NS..
This day, one month ago, my arms ached from the push ups
80+
This day, one month ago, life changed..

I've studied..
I've trained..
I've cut my hair..
I've lead the squad..
I've fallen sick over and over..
I've longed for things i missed..
I've been restricted to so much..
And now..

I've Changed.. (BLAH~~! masih kental la..)
Belum gaji pon da changed??

haha

It's been fun actually. Except for the headaches I've been suffering recently.
But hey..
Who cares..!
haha

siblings.. =))

Oh..
I'm lifting my restriction on my botak pics..
I'm so used to it already..
have fun ppl..

-peace

nyahahaha

The stars.. My NS emo moment... =P

2009-01-23T22:16:00.004+08:00

While waiting to fall in for the flag-raising, i sat by my bed near the window. I looked up through the window to the most clearest dark morning sky. And i saw stars, lots of diamond-shaped dots in the sky. It was one of the most beautiful-est night sky i ever saw since going into service. Probably the first time i ever really took time to look at it. At that point, i thought to myself, "What is going on out there? Wonder how everyone's doing? Wow.. I miss them all."

That 'warmth' you feel when you're by yourself thinking of almost anything, really made me feel more like myself again. It's one of my most favorite thing of being human.

ALRIGHT!!
On to..

Booked out today, with a long weekend in mind.
But all I'm expecting is that things can go right and wrong at the same time.
"Life is about change.. So always be ready."
Bloody FI! Act philosophical sia..
I missed my dad's birthday you know!

haha
So much for wishing on the stars.. They never come true..

I'm fine. Don't mind me. Just need to get back on earth.. haha
-peace

OMG!!

2009-01-16T20:47:00.002+08:00

Alright..
NS!

10 DAYS IN CAMP!!

Cannot take it man.
pain all over..
And I miss everything..

AND I SERIOUSLY MISS EVERYTHING!!

I miss my room
I miss my bed
I miss my blanket
I miss my industrial fan
I miss the fridge
I miss ice cubes!
I miss my com
I miss the car
I miss television!
I miss my parents
I miss my siblings
I miss my mom's cooking
I miss macs =P
I miss waking up late
I miss my toilet!
I miss warm showers
I miss him
I miss her
I miss them
etc
etc
etc
etc
etc
.
.
.

I'm gonna die!!
The term waking up to a nightmare seriously applies!!
Everyday sia..
Wake up feeling like s#!+
Especially when having good dreams!!
haiz

Now.. I'm free this weekend..
Anything call me and I'm 50% there..
But be reasonable ar..
I got boots to polish, clothes to iron and things to stock up.
A LOT!

HAHA

-peace =))

Smile people =)

2009-01-05T21:08:00.003+08:00

There's nothing to say.
I'm entering NS tomorrow.

So, everyone take care and be strong.
Smile always

And thank you for today, yesterday and everyday

I feel like there's something i need to let go before going. But what? Whatever la..

=))
-Peace

Suddenly.. BAM!!

2008-12-29T22:31:00.005+08:00

When Ida and Hendra ask me out yesterday, I seriously thought nothing of it.
But when it turned into
"Advanced B'dae cum Pre-NS Farewell" thinggy, I was like 'wow.'

And then this morning i got a text on the way to Benj's place..
"S88xxxxxz, Your enlistment date is 06/01/09. Your reporting unit is POLICE ACADEMY. Msg from CMPB."

Newsflash people!!
I'm turning 21 in 2 months and...
I'm going NS next week!
haha

After that friggin text, I felt a rush of panic.
Not really panic la
But there's so many things I want to do in a week and seriously..

TAK LEH ANGSKT AR!!!!

Haha!!

One week..
A week that is in conjuction with the new year celebrations and preparations for school.
A week that can be easily wasted doing nothing.
A week where plans can hinder so many thing.
A week where many thing can go wrong/right.
wow.

Despite so, I had a meaningful experience the past month.
With ZP's chalet
Hockey turned soccer
Marathon
CTAU's gathering
The Musique Unifiante
The roadtrip
The almost drowing experiance
The farewell dunno what thing
Today, Yesterday
And Everything.

A simple thank you to everyone.

Pictures are based on what happened the last month. Many more people should be there like the Home Team peeps, the hockers and the FIRAH gang. But they are rather impossible to find in my archive.

Not forgetting my family though =)

The Ika, Tirah, Wawa, Apai peeps mentioned on earlier post

Pics are from the road-trip. Its good.. haha

Whatever it is, I'm grateful, for everything.
They say NS is where boys turn to men..
So, I'm gonna enjoy my last week of 'boydom'...
HAHA!!!

WOO!!! 'CHALET' in a week..

-Peace to all

2500++ km!!

2008-12-27T17:44:00.003+08:00

Alright, I'm back from Perak/Penang/Terengganu/Pahang/Johor..
Too many. haha
Got a van that became our home..
With the gears and all..
Full of adrenaline overtaking vehicles on a 2 carriageway 'major' road.
Overtake 3 oil tankers in a row while everyone is sleeping.. hehe Woo!!
If highway different la.
Drive like mad..

Anyway,
Many things happened.

Visited Abang in Penang.
His kids rocks..
To think that they were damn shy about 7 years ago.
Ika (Seriously, she reminds me of Atika)
Tirah and Wawa (Twins, but not twins.. get it?)
Apai! (I thought this 2 yr old how to high 5.. haha =))
Haiz.. I never really remembered their real name..
In turn, they gave me a nickname..
Cik Amin, pronounce as Cik Amen in their slang, a character from 'Geng bas Sekolah'
haha!!
I'm responding to Amen now..

On the road, I:
Killed 1 bettle.. very big.
Killed 3 butterflies.. Imagine; flap flap piak! zooom!! OMG
Saw,
1 dead chicken
1 dead cat
1 dead 'meerkat' like thinggy
2 dead babi!!
ROADKILL!!
haha
Ish.. People langgar babi kite langgar butterfly.. Kental la..

Melo-Drama
The beaches rocks.. South China sea babe
The Waves are head level..
Then..
DRAMA!!!
High tide,
Dad got pulled away..
"Idir!! GET DAD!"
Like Hero!,
I reached him, cannot get back.. aiyo.
I tried la.. 1 step back, wave pull 2 step out..
how??
ZP didn't fully teach me the art of lifesaving =(
sehati sejiwa, lemas sama-sama.. haha
(same heart and soul, drown together) =P
Lifeguard come.. What's boya in english?
oh.. With Float..
(OK!? OK..)
Halfway back..
Lifeguard cramp!
He also,"COME HELP LA!"
In the end me and dad help paddle him back to the seaside..
We also become hero la..
haha
Some to think of it, people are busy with Christmas and we almost drown.
I was half-expecting Nabi Isa a.s. AKA Jesus to walk on the sea and save us if we end up, well...
=P

Now back home safe..
With a bucketload of shit.
What am i to expect?
5 days worth of Malaysian food.
In fact, we almost reach Thailand.
I eat lots of catfish,
Ikan Bakar!!
TomYam,
Laksa Penang, Sedap!
And,
Ikan Belut, i.e. eels..
And my dad was like,
"Ok, everyone must eat, ni baby squid",
But then,
"Since when squid got bones?"
It was the next day when everyone discovered we ate eel..
haha!!
They EEW!!
I LIKE!!

Still, the drive was really, lets say, wordless. (Is there such a thing?)
Driving 400-500km a day for 5 days, is something one can never experience in Singapore unless you're a taxi driver.
The pictures still un-uploaded i think. nvm
The next time such trip would ever happen again for me is probably after 2 yrs time.
NS la..
So sad.. haha

-Peace everyone.

Acting Up... part 2

2008-12-15T23:29:00.002+08:00

Woke up this morning feeling weird.
Felt nauseous.
I sneezed.
My nose's all drippy.
Headache!
Still sneezing.

I think eh..
I sakit! =((

I WANTS TO TAKE A DROWSY FLU MED AND GO OUT DRIVING!!
HAHAHA!!

-Peace

Acting Up..

2008-12-14T23:52:00.002+08:00

I spent the whole weekend at Bedok.
Since my place at Yishun had become an all-girls place.
Bedok became an all-guys place..
For some odd reason my uncle always buys a new can of Nestum everytime i sleep over.
"Obek tahu ko suker.. Makan tau!"
hehe
Uncles and Aunties and Cousins...
Cool peeps.

Played soccer.
Eat cili padi.. A lot. My fart smells all shitty..
Eat NESTUM!!
BEDBUGS!! OMG
Picnic at the void deck because raining da..
Exchange PC games.. woo..

Visit my other cousin.
Get a glimpse of his new born child.
Akin Anaqy (i think. Akin? Akiq? denitely wrong spelling)
His bro(6yr old) named him after starwars Anakin Skywalker..
Ironically we played Starwars: Force Unleash on their PS2
-_-
haha
Oh Oh oh.. My cous gave me a new jersey.. woo..

Plans about our roadtrip is so unplanned.
Keeps changing..
Many things may need to be rescheduled due to its importance since there will be no more overseas trip for me for the next 2 yrs!!
My God!!

Now..
My leg's acting up.
My stomach hurts.
And I need to shit!!
haha

-Peace

When walking feels like running

2008-12-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

After Sunday, I've decided I'm not going to look at two things the same again.
Especially when the Standard Chartered Full Marathon had literally crippled me on this festive day. Hari Raya Haji eh!!

The two things.. First, East Coast Park, is not as great as it is. Running/Walking the whole stretch of ECP TWICE, so destroyed its so called relaxing aura that it's suppose to give. 20+km people!!
In a car it took 10mins to go a whole stretch of ECP service road. Totally killed my leg..

Secondly, I used to love walking in the middle of an empty road. Help's clear the mind for me. But a marathon's worth?? No way man.. 42.295km worth of uneven roads and track is like clearing my life.

Haha.. clear my own life..

The whole thing for me seriously felt like a battlefield. We started with more than 10 people in the beginning. 2 policemen, 1 diver, 1 firemen, 1 medic, few soldiers and civilians. All of which 'died' from the group (left behind), or went mia from their own special mission(went ahead)..
Some respawned and disappear again.. Only the two policemen left together... haha! In the end we all meet in hell after the finish line. All literally in pain and cramped up.. =P
All that torture just for the adidas shirt which i may only use once.. =)

Enough!! I'm not running it again without proper training..

Other news...
ZP chalet last week rocks.. Thanks bro..
Fishing, Barbequeing, OCHing, Plane Watching, Twister-ing etc.. I realised how much I missed the whole gang. Even if its less than a month since we last seen each other.
I want to see you again!! haha

-peace

Disasters of the Triangle

2008-12-01T09:59:00.002+08:00

The P-Plate! aka triangle
Every new driver's best friend..

But to me, there's potential disasters wherever we go.
hahaha!

Let's say that driving with a P-plate again after 1 year of 'freedom' feels damn weird. Fellow drivers just act differently towards you. You think that they are to give you chances, but nooo..

Here's what people think when people see P-platers (Myself included hehe)..
-When P-Platers are slow and looks weird, they'll say,
"This guy confirm 1st time one. Give chance, give chance... ARR overtake la!"

-When P-Platers are speeding, change lane here and there, boastful..
"This guy damn rash, sure die one later.. Act sia..."

So what do you think I think when a I drove with a P-plate?
They think I'm kental..
But when they do (e.g. overtake me from a slow lane)
I'll do what they do, but even better..! haha
But I'm still cool =)
safe

But hey, I remember my first time out driving.
In the middle of the fasting month, oct 06
Bought the P-plate, soo happy.. haha
1 hour later,
Go into JB roads..
chalat man!
I didn't even know Singapore road yet!
The road culture ( as i called it) are so different between the two.
We went Geylang the night later.
There are full of jams jams jams... annoying on the clutch tau..

But then, at a traffic light 3-way junction of Geylang,
some mat motorcyclist over-rev(It's like pressing the accelerator in a car) his bike and fell right in front of me..
WTH!! 0_0
Here's the story.
3-way Junction right to a 1-way road, red light..
I'm first car, biker in front.
Green light, biker's bike engine stalled.
Feels malu, quickly kick it back on.
Then ego, rev the bike damn hard.
Continues revving(accelerating) on the turn.
Loss control, BAM!!
I was like..
"WTH! STUPID LA BODOH!! "
My dad agrees..

Here's another P-plate story.
This time my sis drove.
Junction green light
There's a commotion on a junction in the middle lane.
2 trucks of foreing workers
She overtook on the leftest lane.
A few meters later, the 2 truck oddly stopped in front of us, halting traffic.
Sis prepares to change lane.
Meanwhile.
Both truck drivers came out.
The workers got out.
Then,
THEY FIGHT SIA!!!
WTF!!
Panic in the car
lagi-lagi my mom..
Got away from them.. safe.
haha!

Whatever it is, do not lose that P-plate.
Its reuseable.
haha
You'll learn a lot of thing on that stage of your driving.
My advise is that don't be rash, play safe.
And if people honk at you, ITS YOUR FAULT!
haha

-peace

"Find the will to stop"

2008-11-28T07:00:00.008+08:00

So the As are over!! ya..
And what i've mentioned in my previous post, yaa.. it happened
haha

Anyway, my sis got her driving licence.. =)
kudos to you sis.
And we payed for a car and went out. Normal right?
But.. I seriously do not know how to judge a woman driver.
Not being sexist or anything (I'm NOT! okay), but I'm assuming that it's beceause its her first time out in the big roads. She's a safe driver.. for now.. hahah
At least you tak kena horn eh 1st time out okay.. =)
happee ajer..

Then we go JB.
Routine..
I must drive.
Aiyo! ok la understandable..
Bought DVDs and catch a movie..
Routine..
But..

Guess what we watched.. =)
ooo
Hendra and Asrida is so gonna nyehnyehnyeh at me..

HAHAHA!!!

There you go.. My proof that I have watched

TWILIGHT!!

It's suppose to be in Singapore on Dec 18 but..

The moment I saw it on the 'Now Showing' board the decision on what movie to watch was decided instantaniosly.

HAHAHA

Since I've almost finished reading the book, here's what I think..

WARNING,

SPOILERS!! HAHAHA

(Don't highlight down if you don't want to read okay, I'm trying to be nice). You probably don't understand what I'm writting if you have not read the book.

- Too much talking

- The way they talked, it's not always lovie-dovie the way some people think they are when they read the book. They talk a serious tone most of the time..

- There's no "It's okay to skip class once in a while" scene. =(

- The 'girl's choice' dance thinggy, was changed straight into prom. haha

- The 'accident' was supposed to be before school but it was after school =P. Not snowing also, just wet surface.

- In New Port, Bella bought a book at the book store (she was not supposed to enter any) for research on Edward.

So not the same.

- There is no evidence that Bella is scared to ride on Edward's back.

- The forest they went to for the 'sunlight' thinggy, was just behind their school. (No driving to the outskirts for their 'hang out')

- I don't know whether its the movie or just a Malaysian censorship thiggy, but it seems impossible that the scene changed to Edward being trowned to the wall with a 'bing bang' just before they erm, ya.. They cut that part out!! bloody ramlee burger...!

- Their baseball game was cool.. =)

- The way they kill James (Bad Guy!), was so BRUTAL!! I like.. hehehe. I was half-imagining some other... nvm haha

- The ending cliffhanger, was so not convincing to make people anticipate for the next movie.

Overall Rating: 4/5 la.. Cannot expect it to be exactly the same as the book right.

I endured 3 hours of pee for this. But was really worth it.

Quote,"Find the will to stop" hahaha Right, 'will to stop' the need to go pee..

Apologies to Hendra though. I kinda half-promised him to watch it with them when the movie comes out on his birthday. =( Maybe i'll watch it again.. hehe maybe ajer.

I'm still on for the DVD movie marathon!! Got new DVDs =)) Madagascar 2!! haha quality best punyer..

Feels strange writing this. Kinda hyper this morning. I'm expecting to feel sickly later in the afternoon. This stressless period is very stressful. Its like suffering a withdrawal symptom from all the studying.

Now, I don't know whether to go hockey or soccer tonight.. haiz...

-Peace

2008-11-26T19:43:00.002+08:00

I just switched on the computer and I..
Time 7.43pm..
I am going to make a prediction..

I am predicting that the newest entry i will see on my classmates' blog, facebook, yadayada
is going to be something to do with the end of the As, complaining about the papers, or about trying to find jobs..

checking
.
.
.

Well, I'm almost right... (keyword: almost)
Being prudent, i must account for time lag..
haha

-Peace

2008-11-17T23:13:00.002+08:00

come on.. A lil bit more..

Go..
GO!!

-peace

2008-11-03T21:38:00.008+08:00

'A' LEVELS
GP
IS OVER!!!

continue screaming please
let it all out

GOOD RIDDANCE!

I seriously need to go out

CONTINUE STUDYING LA
IDIOT!

Doooon't waaaaaant

HELLOOOO
6 MORE PAPERS!!
BAKA!!

aiyo

FINE!!

-Peace..

The OMG! Factor..

2008-10-15T19:08:00.005+08:00

When people go "OMG!" it usually means that something unexpected happened. Something out of the ordinary or something so common such as farting(it is 'unexpected' ya know). It can also be interpreted as "WOAH!", "HOLY SHIT!", or "F@#%".

So, here's some event that's worth omging about. omg rating is...

Hari Raya.
Its okay, considering noting how many people missed us or so so. Very emotional ya knoe.. [Btw, things are back to the way they are =) ]
Rating: 2/5 There are some extremely boring and unproductive moments (CAN STUDY!), one that you can go, "omg, so boring.."

PAKCIK IDIR!
This actually knocked the wind out of me. My second cousin(is it?) actually called me that. I've always associate Pakcik with my 40-50r old uncles. I feel sooo old!! At least UNCLE IDIR sounds cuter (cute!?!) and this "make me feel young" factor in it. My first reaction, "waa!"
Rating: 4/5 "Lets stick to calling me Abang Idir ajer okay =P "

PJR!! 11/10/08
Great day great day.. Full of fun, food and bloatedness (vomitting involved). Rented a bus and everything. I accidentally ripped a cushion (sorry!), and was considered to have distructive power for the 1st half of the seesion. hehe. Nothing compared to last year i guess, when is ever one event the same huh?? But so some odd reason, my house feels the most fun.. No butter prawn this year though. =)
Rating: 3/5 Esp the vomitting, "OMG! Err I mean, kesian"

THE POUCH
I/We were heading home from our grandparent's place only to find a pouch on the void deck. Due to it being Hari Raya eve and me being a good person(my foot ar!), we decided to return it via its IC. HOWEVER, there were no I/D in the pouch and there's no way of returning it. Upon decicing to keep it we looked at the contents. There was... 116 DOLLARS!! OMG THANK YOU GOD! I said some light thank you prayers and treat my brothers to new hari raya shoes that night. So happy..
Rating: 5/5 What else can i do?? Its fated.

FICO!
Another soccer 'cage' like activity played after school. First the headache then the sugar hype then PIAK!! Sprained my ankle like mad. It still hurts now. I limped home all the way from Jurong to Yishun. Waaaa. Now, There's a small black 'line' running up my ankle. Not a ligament damage i hope since i can walk normally.
Rating: 4/5 There were some awsome goals and my injury spoils everything. "OMG, so big eh ur swelling"

PRELIM RESULTS
For the first time ever in MI, I passed all my subjects. Yay! not.. My first time passing GP, only to be told, "you're lucky, i would fail you if i mark the paper". Then there the 'top i dont know list how many list', I guess my DDE is nothing compared to a say, CDU. To simply put it, I'm not on the list. Enough said.
Rating: 3/4 Suppose to be motivating, but end up demotivated. waa

Random School Stuff
I was consider to be a 'law abiding student' for never skipping class. But as of yesterday(14/10), the term "yea right", plays in effect. haha. For some strange reason i end up going home early yesterday. To the people i was with yesterday, they were like "omg" but to me, it's nothing i haven't done before. Besides, its the last day of school.
Rating: 1/5 OMG to them, but not to me. "Okay what.."

ENLISTMENT!
Yesterday a few people were too hyper on msn on their NS enlistment vocation and date. So I rush down to my letterbox and found what i hope to find. My inital thoughts was "CD, CD,CD."
But the first thing that came out states,
"FULL-TIME NATIONAL SERVICE in the SINGAPORE POLICE FORCE"
And i was "omg nooo!!!!!"
I was then partially depressed, thanks to my sis.
But then my mom said she like it that I'm in SPF. Sis said I'll look 'cool' like my cousin and that guy from heartlanders. omg. And some people like policemen to the max.. hehe Then there's a possibility of being under sportman police NS, PLAY HOCKEY!! OKAY!!
I suddenly motivated to the MAX!
Rating: 5/5 OMG I seriously thought i'm done for.

Alright alright, too tired. Tomorrow's the graduation tea cum class gathering cum buffet and I cannot find the shirt I want to wear. ARR!!
Anyway, another chapter of my life is coming to a close. School has ended. I wonder how long more will there be before we lose touch. Maybe I'd one day have an entry dedicated to my life in MI. =)

Meanwhile,
Peace..

The Most Impossible Thing One Cannot Do..

2008-09-26T22:39:00.007+08:00

So the very thing i predicted late week have come to materialise.
The ultimate ujian(test) has befall upon me like hitting the ground from a 12th storey building.

Over something so simple, so redundant, could lead to something that would "make or break" me.
A one sided 'conversation' felt like a million arrows falling onto me. But what am i to do? Talking back can be considered rude, not saying anything, is plain hurtful.

Some say that children have a mechanism to make them 'safe'. Such mechanism are actually learning points that make them who they are today. Don't blame me, but as a kid, the mechanism that made me feel 'safe' was to just keep quiet.
This is largely due to my 'simple' answers to questions often gets rebutted, to which i cannot justify. Me being short-tongued then. My questions being so often answered in the 'hard' way. And saying "I don't know" when i really don't know is just as good as saying "I'm stupid".
So what is right and what is wrong? I end up being a quiet person when things are not in my favour. But i try to smile every so often.

So back to the 'ujian'. I was accused of so many things, some of which maybe true for the time being, but most of it was just bull. Nevertheless, it negatively effect my morale, my resolve, and my feelings. It really makes all the things i worked hard for seems fruitless. I'm like, "Is this real!? I was expected to fail!!? "

At the end of it all I just took the keys and went off with some super lame excuse. I traveled far, with no real purpose but to be by myself. But I end up feeling dread and in need of consultation.
I can't thank you enough for being there for me..
Needless to say, I went home with better control of my feelings.

The problem didn't end there. My heart was still heavy. I didn't utter a single word to anyone the next day, let alone smile. But i once told a depressed friend, who claim he won't ever smile anymore, that it is impossible to not smile, because it makes us human, and that I've tried it too. The next time I met him, he was smiling and complimenting me on how true those words are. And my very own words is applied to me at that moment of isolation.
When I got back to school, the first person I met actually knew I was troubled. "And its definitely not a girl problem right?" he asked me. I was touched, and amused at the same time. Am I really that obvious? And that where is I knew that no matter what, people still cares.

Despite the events, things actually started to look good in school. With prelim results showing up considerably good despite my lack of confidence. Too bad i can't say the same about my 'affairs'.
Now, things are slowly patching up. Very slowly. But there will be time and again when things would feel awkward. A sense on how the day will be like. And today is just one of those days. I hate this feeling.

Its the end of the week now. Two more days worth of fasting. Should I be excited? Hehehe.. I still can't decide. Lately the way we spend Hari Raya has made me feel more and more awkward. Largely due to certain relationship issues with certain relatives which I have no problem with and the FACT that I've grown up. It's no longer fun to receive green packets. But then, I am yet to be capable of giving green packets.

But no matter what happens, there are still certain things to be optimistic about(whether good or bad), to smile about, to cry about. These are things that are the most impossible that one cannot do. These feelings makes us human. These are important things that we bring into the future and make us who we are.

- Peace

10:13PM 28/09/08 ya, two days for this post..

The Way To Be Fit Again

2008-09-20T15:58:00.006+08:00

So... The annual marathon is coming up. This year we're running 42click. And after despite signing up about a month or two ago, it suddenly occured to me...

WHAT AM I THINKING!?!

Of course, the pass two years my marathon training normally involve and is in conjuction with hockey training. It was also for short distances.
But now??
The upcoming 'A' levels and the fasting month.
Its so not helping.

But the fasting month. Exercising now can be both beneficial and a killer at the same time.
I tried running one late evening, and went to 'the cage' yesterday..
Damn fun.. But tiring, of course.
Pre-match, some 'kids' playing.. kentalness..

Break time. Try to understand the cramped faces, I'm fasting after all.. Or is it..

It was okay. With it being indoor and all. But after that.. Woooo..
Later shower and break-fast, shiok!

Running during this time is good too, i think.
I lost about 1kg after one session. But it went back up after break-fast.. haha
But i does work better than sitting out the time. And, I have yet to be consistent with this..
Beware though, extreme dizziness and nausea will come the moment you stop. Might not be recommended for those who are sickly recently (i.e. ME!).
But its worth a shot.

-Peace

After-Effects

2008-09-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

Prelims have ended. And the papers can be commented in the most typical way. Which is:
Hard.
Why?
Because it's that 'time'.

The fasting month.
Today marks the 16th day of fasting. We're halfway there before it ends.
And yes, i don't know about anyone else, but i felt that i was heavily tested on these last few days..

But what am i to say or do anything about it? It had been instilled in me the need to be patient and endurance during the day. Sometimes I feel like poping someone in the face.

The lack of proper nutrition and physical workout have resulted my body to experience something i hate most, that is to kena the flu. The last two days and 3 papers I've been sucking my nose and coughing like mad to the point of tasting blood on my tongue. But who cares! I might as well infect everyone while I'm at it. 1 more week of holiday right.

Oh yea, this morning, my right eye was effing red.. But i like it.

And not to mention the people around me. I mean, what's the use of fasting when one gets into the nerves.
Like the accusation of something or someone when they're never wrong, instead being just a contradiction.
Like calling others (i.e. elders) kurang ajar when they cause the trouble in the first place. Please la littlest brother, you're the most least taught and least qualified person in this group.
Like forcing someone to do things they never wanted. "Ive got 2 papers tomorrow and we'll be at JB THE WHOLE DAY!! WTH!"
Enough of that, I feel hurt already.

So, what is there to look forward to?
The screwing up of the prelims?
The A-levels?!
To say sorry to people on things I nvr do?
PJR? I suddenly no mood.
NS?!

I cannot say i can be optimistic about the future. It seems very bleak, and tough, and meaningless. I don't even know if i can implement the things I want to do after everything.
And what did I do?
About 4-5 hours ago, I let water freely flow out from my eyes.

Get this idea into your head.
There are things that you want, but you can't have it.
Yet, there are things that you can have, but you don't want it.
It is noble to pursue things that you have little chance of getting it, and to feel that what you have is not enough.

But there are also things that you want and can have it. But for some reason, you don't want it, that for some reason you know you cannot have it.
Such things can have the power to make the world stop, causing the ineminent destruction of one's persuit, goals and resolve little by little. You try to take it positively, but there'll be uncertainties and doubts.

So i guess its sometimes best to let things go.
Through tears, i mean.

-Peace

The Lemming Effect

2008-08-29T19:48:00.002+08:00

Lemmings are creatures that commit (mass) suicide for no reason.
Is it?
The understanding is that their migratory pattern sometimes causes the urge to jump off a cliff. With it being a dead end.

Thus creating the metaphor.

Basically, through 'schema' it is just the idea of falling.

...

So....
I've slipped and fell like nobody's business in the past two weeks.
I've hit my head on the floor.
I've sprained my ankle this morning. It still hurts.
wow.

Prelims have started..
I have cravings to be at high places.
Fly maybe..
haha

Ramadhan's in couple of days time.
Fasting!

So random..
I'm so not in the right state of mind..

-Peace

Its for the sake of it

Waiting for the Nuke..

2008-07-10T19:43:00.002+08:00

On to the point.
I'M SCREWED!

And here's why..
Quotes from today.

"Khidir, what happened to you?"
"Some teachers think that it's because you gotten influence by your malay friends, I won't mention names."
So said my hockey teacher i/c

"Handy! We're not in archery for P.E., we're in kangoo.. Along with D...... and F.... and N!! Great, we're in the freak club. Habis ar. Nasib baik ade ko.."
I said upon the 'greatest discovery of the day'..

"I'll kill you.."
So said my HT.

"Datang Haid?!"
So said my Pops..

And my response was,
"Wha.."

Wait.. that's not it..
It's more like,
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

All that's been said and happened feels as if my insanity has been shot, bombed and knifed little by little.. It's hard to find anything positive anymore nowadays..
I feel like I'm about to suffer from 消沉..
我在家不感觉安全
And me knowing I have 100% screwed up my midyears even way before getting back the results ain't helping either..
So much for being confident..
Now I'm just waiting for the nuke.

I need some physical pain..
I MISS HOCKEY AND BADMINTON..
I WANT LEG CRAMPS AND FATIGUE..

Peace..

Freaky..

2008-05-30T19:43:00.002+08:00

Do this:

Go to google search
Search '(your name) blogspot' (might work if your name is considered 'rare')
And discover 'yourself'

I tried this and I've found numerous articles on:

'Me' as a prophet (Nabi Khidir)
'Me' as a weapon of mass destruction specialist for Saddam Hussein.
'Me' getting married
'Me' being an ambassador
'Me' being someone's boyfriend (quote: "its obviously impossible, Khidir is attach-ed..")
'Me' being missed by some little girl
Story about 'Me' chasing a girl
'Me' being in a band. (drummer sia..)
'Me' as a star soccer player in Fuhua
'Me' as a concert organizer
A district named after 'me'
etcetera, etcetera, etcetera......

FYI!!
All that is mentioned about 'me' above is NOT me..
We just share the same name..
And i was like amazed and disgusted at the same time..

That's right..
I'm bored..

-Peace.. =)

So....... yea... right...

2008-03-10T21:31:00.003+08:00

I just cannot find the time. So many times I have things to burst out in this blog but, no time.
All the phrases i want to share, all the things that i've done. I'm sorry.
But I have forgotten everything..

Well I guess I can talk about hockey. Like how the hole in my hockey stick given by my classmates and teammates gave me last year have opened up again. Talk about being wounded. Haha, I think i 'busted' my knee in my last match against NTU and IJ. We won though. I scored my first goal against a proper guys team, and i would like to dedicate that goal to so many people. The thing is, I wish that they are able to see it. Thank you to those few who support, sorry that you end up going home late and into trouble, and what a way to end a birthday. SORRY PUSS. But i greatly appreciate the support. =)

H1 A level results are out too. So, congrats to those who shed their tears and did well. And sorry probably does not cut it to those who did not make it. As for me, I kinda know my results all to well and theres no surprises for me.. Sadness. I passed though.

For today, I finally got my bloody turf shoe. We watch 10,000bc and went home. Exciting? okay la. Dull.? Definitely not. So.... yea.

.. I guess that being a childish, emotionless, heartless, expressionless, unelaborator, questionless, actless, too silent and sometimes an emo person that people usually regard me as, makes me simply have no idea what to write anymore due to my concern of potentially hurting anyone in the progress. Besides, i have no time.. =p

Blogging makes me feel so effing emo.. This sucks..

-Peace

The Troubled, Troublesome, And The Troubling..

2008-02-26T21:19:00.003+08:00

Well, first of all i would like to say thanks to all who have made my birthday an interesting one. I know its belated cause i have not blogged in a long time. But still, better late then never right.

Anyway, recently everything have been so hectic. I guess the idea of being in year 3 has finally get to me. The importance of studying, and being prepared for the upcoming 'A' levels have gone to a whole new level. But, what am I to do? I can't compare myself to my sis, staying up till 3am everyday to study. It's not my style. Haha.

The thing is, with the common test results, upcoming H1 results, the 'A' div and, yea, puts a hell of weight on you. The talks about what the future might be (uni courses, 'a' div expectations, WOL) and its possibilities with whatever condition i have right now still seems very distant. Studying and everything i do is so vague. I still don't know i what i want to do.

Bottom line is,
the teachers are disappointed..

Actually, I'm disappointed too.
In my case, I do feel that I'm being consistent with my studies. My grades are okay, i think, fluctuating here and there. I still need to work hard to get the grade. But still, I feel that some people still did not get the importance of this year.

I mean, come on!! 1/50 for your PAA CT (not mine okay). WTF MAN! Err, sorry, i didn't mean to criticize or anything. But I'm still rather traumatized over your result. I can't even think the last time anyone has gotten that kind of marks! It feels as though it is my fault. Its not only this person anyway. Other 'good' ones are going down too. And there's nothing more i can say..

So..
Do your own self reflection alright. To truth is, i'm worried for everyone. I sometimes keep thinking, 'why do i even try when its always will be the same..', and its not a question! A Statement. So stop questioning and contradicting me. I'm just trying to make things better. For all of us.

i can't take it. I'm seriously going out of point. Haha..
I going off.

-Peace...
But I'm pissed

Not for Children, Sorry...

2008-01-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

Okay. So every morning somewhere near the MRT stations there will be people distributing free newspapers. Be it the TODAY newspaper or the New paper(or whatever it is called).

So, for a few years now the new paper medium was in chinese. So being unable to read chinese was such a disappointment for me as i obviously has no use of obtaining that ever so delicious free newspaper. Come to think of it, i despised it for that i do not have the same privilege as of the majority of the population. (I even wished they would burn if i stare at it hard enough. haha)

When i heard that half of that newspaper has 'convert' to an english medium, i was definitely excited. Until this morning's incident..

At Bukit Batok MRT, i saw the newspaper's distributers. yay!
So i stood there expecting to receive a copy. BUT...
The nonya just stood there and told me of..

"NOT for children, Sorry".

And i was like, "Wha!!"
Then i just walk away in hopes of not having my ever so 'perfect' Monday morning spoiled, NOT.
Arrg, to make matters worst that 'outcast' just had to sit with me and do homework together.. ARR!!

Back to topic.
The thing is, I still can't get over the idea of being considered a 'child'.
I AM TURNING 20 IN EXACTLY 1 MONTH AND AN AUNTY CALLED ME A KID!! SO WHAT IF I'M WEARING MY SCHOOL UNIFORM, OBVIOUSLY I AM DEFINITELY CLEVERER THAN HER AND IN NEED TO BE UPDATED WITH THE CURRENT NEWS!

Well i guess many people would relish that moment of being considered young despite their age. But that's not THE POINT! I just want my free newspaper!! =(

I am going to try getting the newspaper from the same nonya tomorrow if i have the chance. And i'm going to snap her picture. Nyahaha. If the same thing happens, ZP is going to help me write in. =l

Btw
I'm not a child. I'm actually legal to be married already. =p

PEACE.

2008-01-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

Lifehouse - Somewhere in between

I can't be losing sleep over this, no, I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

2008

2008-01-03T22:03:00.000+08:00

The year 2007 ended a few days ago and a short summary about that year is:

(Nothing here.. Don t bother highlighting cause I'm just leaving blank spaces.
Wait, you already did if you read this.)

Things happened.

- Peace

Oh Sh!+.. NOT!!! Nyahaha

2007-12-13T22:28:00.001+08:00

OKay.
Event of the day....

Hockey..
DANGEROUS Reverse hit.. PHOOYOUO

Ball Flew. Okay....

Over the fence. Homerun, yeah.. or not.

To the carpark it goesss ............

BAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Oh Sh!+...

5#!t.. !!!!!!!!

......
......
......
......

NO Dents, NO harm done...

Walau eh...

Peace.

Yellowcard - Only One

2007-12-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't give you a reason

Made my mistakes Let you down
And I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't get up when you're gone

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note, for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Peace

Rain...

2007-12-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

A cool day today. With the rain and all. And where was I?
I was couped up in a van waiting for time to pass because of the red plate.
...

So there I was, drinking coffee, eating biscuit, talking to myself..
Amazing.
Hockey training training was canceled due to obvious reasons.
Waste of time. Getting wet for no reason, I should have seen it coming, but nooo..
"The rain is going to stop already"
Yea right.

But then again, the rain is.. peaceful.
It is cold and all, but peaceful.

Being couped up for 2 hours in the van in the rain give me time to think, see, observe. Strangely, i didn't sleep, even though i considered it as the best time to sleep.

One thought. I think through all that has happened for the last 6 months. School life , house life, half life and all. :p
All the rights and wrongs and what went wrong when it was right(some crazy tongue twister huh? haha).
What has been done and what have not.
What is gained and what was lost.
The important events, the ripple effect where an event had altered all the things i knew and once accept.
And only to realise..

That all those things aren't important anymore.

But yes, I had taken in all that I've learnt, gained, and loss.
But dwelling on the past would not do me any good. But i can't help it i guess.
To be reminiscing on the past whether good or bad is part of our nature.
That's what our brains are for.

Another thing.
Observing the rain once in a while brings about a few discoveries too.
It somehow can be relate to life i guess.

Like how the number of raindrops and ripples somehow always (or not) fall on the spot, but yet, it does not increase or decrease in numbers whether the rain turns heavy or light. Heavy rain only meant that the water droplets are heavier and falling faster. But it lands on only that spot.
I guess it show that no matter how hard life hits you, you're still you. Problems big or small, you're still you. Somehow, the sun will come out.
(Eerrg, corny)

If one were to notice too, when water fully covers the surface on one side of window glass, it somehow makes what you see on the other side a whole lot clearer and nicer than it was before. And the rain makes me see that. So i guess that we have to fully commit in the things we do so that the fruits will bear, to see clearly, and find new vision.

The rain is indeed, peaceful.
"When it rains, everyone will seek shelter, leaving you alone and time for yourself, in the rain." - quote from TV show, Heartlanders. ( I think, its somewhere along that line)
I guess i experiance that serenity today. Although some of them may be disturbing.
Time to rediscover what I really am.

Peace

Heartless, Moodless, Lifeless....

2007-12-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

It has been long since i discover how enjoyable things can be. Apparently it isn't anymore. Things can never be fun, enjoyable or profitable when morale is extremely low.

Low morale. It includes being heartless, Moodless, Lifeless, etc..
It makes you lose focus, concentration and ability.
It makes all the things you considered as making yourself feel alive feel dead.
It makes you lose hope.

Fake smiles leads to a down-turned head.
Small laughter leads to frustration.
Advices seems too harsh to follow.
Comments seems to be hard to take.

I guess, the holidays is really killing me. Things are not going smoothly.
And i lost the vibe needed for the marathon tomorrow. Forgive me if i give up too easily or just happened to go my way on my own.

The more i see it, the more i wonder.
"Why?"
I'm still learning.

Song in My head.. Empty - The Click Five

Everything

2007-11-26T20:31:00.000+08:00

NO message intended. Just one of my favorite songs since months ago. It sets me thinking and calms me down

Lifehouse - Everything

Thinking About Myself

2007-11-16T21:09:00.001+08:00

"I can't take it."
"For once in my life let me just think about myself and not care about a $%^&ing thing"

Thinking back, how many times had i said or think of feel that way? A lot.
And how many times had i done things for myself? Not a lot.

So what? What am i?
Do i put others before me?
Do i neglect myself to make others feel i'm humble?
Talk about being vulnerable.

What is the meaning of being vulnerable?
I myself am not sure about it.
Does depending on others a sign of vulnerability?
Does being inexperiance a sign of vulnerability?
I think i fell into a lot of traps.
I hate myself for that.
In the end, i guess it does not matter.

Okay, back to the topic.I think i regard thinking about myself as a form of selfishness. In other words, for not doing what others want to do is a form of selfishness. Is that true? Then what about me? I do not want to be selfish yet i want for have time for myself. Such things also mad me feel bad to the core.

I guess i'm going emo again. Haha. There's way too much things on my mind lately. I'm tired. I think i need sweets, makes me more hyper and lively again (;

My thoughts leads to no conclusion..

PEACE

Just smile

2007-11-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

There' too much hockey lately. And my legs are starting to crampped up.
My shoulders too. OK, I'll describe my day.

Cold
Rain
Training
Emo
Toilet
Gym
Training drills
Cramp
Slipped
Cracked shoulder
Overstretched backside
Oww
Ck birthday
banquet
Mrt
Emo
Sleep
Smses
OoOo
Smiles
Can't sleep

Well that was my day that finished 40 minutes ago.
A new day, new happenings. Very unpredictable. But then, I'm ready to handle whatever life trows at me, to my best ability, and with a smile.

Think i need a job..

Peace

..................

2007-11-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

"The television compared to films, is just a BOX displaying only audio and video."

Okay.What the hell am i thinking! I think my QnA can go down the drain. But people say its good. Are you sure guys? But who cares, PW is over! Thanks for the support.
All the hard work finally paid off i guess. The late nights, the sacrifices($30 parking fine sia, then meeting cancel, sadness), whatever la eh. I tore my lecture cards in half just now. Syiok! I cant explain the feeling. FREEDOM!

Other than that, the day have been strange. Emoness, sadness, fierceness, madness, unglamness all in one morning. What on earth happened? In the end i just ended up watching heroes all afternoon.

And yes, one more thing im getting sick and tired of. Please please my friends, DO NOT make me choose who my best friends are. I treat all my friends as equally as i could. It is not the matter of who do what, its more on the matter of trust. And friends respect their friend's friends. Ill elaborate on this 'friend' issue when i feel like it in a different post. So don't bug me.

Final note, some bugger has used my old deleted blog name, idir-san.blogspot.com , as their own to set up numerous advertisement. So do not visit it as that person will earn some sort of revenue by doing so, i think.

Peace.

Oh Joy.

2007-10-31T15:58:00.000+08:00

It's a bit strange. But a lot of things have been happening lately. And i cannot explain myself.

Project Jalan Raya last Saturday was considered a great success. But i deeply regret not being able to get the van. But overall, i loved the outcome. :)

Malay A's was a nightmare. I think i can do it. I think i may be able to pass. BUT, I'm afraid the results ain't there. Sadness

And yes, i guess i have discover the joy of teaching. Haha. But not the classroom style though. I guess helping out people in improving their skills really bring me great joy. Seeing Benj hitting and pushing the ball nicely in hockey really made me feel a sense of achievement. So, i think i want to take the coaching course! haha

Maths A's this Friday. OP next Tuesday. I cant wait for it to end. After that, i think we deserve to celebrate. Another hurdle towards the A's is about to complete.
But right now, i have to start studying. Two more days. Im meeting Benjay later to start my math crash course. So fierce!

Right now, I'm just phyching myself to start math. I hope my mind don't go off daydreaming again. (:

You're Promoted.

2007-10-25T21:16:00.000+08:00

"Haikal, you've been promoted"
"Who's Haikal"
"Oh i meant Khidir. Don't know why a lot of Haikal today. Anyway, Khidir, you no longer playing defence. You play midfield or forward.."

That is what my coach said. HOW FIERCE IS THAT!! WOO!! I can score goals now.
Still, i have to expect the worst. I must start learning new skills. More dribbles. more RUNNING!! YEEAH! Haha
And Benjay's in hockey! WOO!

Anyway, other then that, I'm promoted to year 3. The whole class makes it. HOW FIERCE IS THAT!?

Alright, i'm officially mad. Cannot take it. I'm tired but there's a lot of things to do. Namely PW!! ARR!! I cannot take it. I mumble at the end of my sentences. I have no idea what to write for InR. I want to sleep. I need motivation and inspiration. The only motivation i had actually a makes great distraction. :)

Alright.. PEACE!

The Joy of remembrance..

2007-10-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

Presenting Upin and Ipin..
Their adventures on their first time fasting..
cuteness.. haha
I remeber my first time fasting, we get ice-cream. Haha

Episode 1 and 2

Episode 3 & 4

Episode 5 & 6 (final)

Sorry guys, only the last 2 episodes have english subtitles. Find it youself in youtube if you want the other english (subtitled) ones yourself. Thanks.

Anyway, hari raya continues today. With relatives and friends coming over. Such havoc in the house. But its fun, its good to know that we're remembered by people who we hardly see everyday, even though we all have different paths to take.

Butterflies..

2007-10-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

Im feeling sick in the stomach. Something is going to happen. And i do not think its good. Im in deep $#%+..

Whatever it is, i know that i dont like it. I guess it would depend on what i do with it. How i wish i could just stop time, and just make everything right. If only i could see the person who i've really become.

Alright, lets laugh. There's no way that could ever happen.

My conclusion, i worry too much. Maybe i'm overdoing it. Maybe I'm stressed. I do not know what to think. The future holds a mystery that cannot be predicted.

I guess i have to pray harder. Get all the possible help i can, and face reality. I hope i can get all the guidance i need.

2007-10-19T20:56:00.001+08:00

Happy belated Hari Raya People..

Maaf Zahir Batin..

Im sorry for all the wrong i've done..

..Okay all you random people...

2007-10-09T13:30:00.000+08:00

haiz..............................................................

Im Dead bored. PW is a killer. Researching is a killer. Everything's a killer.
Sitting here's a killer.. The O hub is a killer.. Why...?
....
Everything's lagging.
All the distractions.
PW's brain block. Equivalent as writers block.
AND
Deadline is coming. (add in echo effect)
harlow!!!! <-- Yes ZP, thank you..

Anyway, my internet is still down. I repeat, STILL DOWN..
Yes, its the reason why i has not been online for so long.
A few years ago i never thought i'd ever say this but..
I MISS THE INTERNET!!
I WANT MSN.
I WANT MY 'LIFE' BACK!! HAHAHAHA..
Yes.. So Sad..
But Yet, Sungguh FIERCE..!

Alright, back to work me..
Bring on the FIERCENESS!!

Lets talk about.. Fasting.

2007-09-28T22:53:00.000+08:00

WOO!
Playing soccer in this time of the year is a NIGHTMARE.
And im not referring to the weather. The continuously increasing hot weather does not have much effect since im 'used' to it. (such a liar i am...)
Buut....

Eating, drinking, smoking, sex, etc.
That right, we Muslims, excluding the young and the sick, have to refrain ourselves from such simple necessities in our lives during daylight hours. And i guess our 'normal' lives can continue in the dark..
In other words, physical activies (soccer!) is probably not a good idea if one is not capable of 'tahan' the after effects of such activities.

Also, i guess fasting also emphasises the need of patience. Recent weeks has taught me alot about that. The frustration of the promotional exams, my dad involving in an accident, the boredom of the newly arraged class, and those who has been annoying as hell. Yet, come to think of it, I can't belived i actually went through all that day in day out and still somehow managed to control myself.
But did I.? I not quite sure myself actually. Tell you the truth, i did snapped a few times. But not to an extend that it goes out of hand. But i try to walk away or stay away from such 'disturbances', which in turn may result in several mood swings. Haha. I'm not fully myself lately. I become either too quiet, too hyper, or just too distant. And yes i get tired easily too which greatly effect my mood.
It also does not help to see people contradicting themselves especially when they supposed to be......... And my friends who seemed to easily shoot out words which i dont want to hear, worse, it being directed at me. But its okay i guess. It is after all, a free world.

"Those who know Islam understand that fasting empowers and does not weaken the Muslim."
I guess fasting brings about a form of realisation to things that you have gone through. It makes you realised the things that have been taken for granted. To cannot have what we can get. To find potential for change. And to consolidate oneself. Such thing can only be achived when one takes it seriously. To find the true purpose and meaning of fasting is the only way to have a meaningful Syawal. For me, im still here and there, but im doing my best...

I'm done! yay.. Fasting's great.. I lost 4kilos..
Alright im going to experiance the kampong style of fasting this weekend.
Hope all goes well..

Assalamualaikum..

2007-09-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

Maybe people don't understand me, but hey, Im just me..
I am one who:

Likes slacking at home
Don't talk much( I listen, dont talk)
Hardly goes out (fortnightly maybe.. yay)
Take things WAY too seriously (cannot handle it!)
Hardly shows much affection to anyway. (which may seemed harsh)

Anyway, there's alot of other things which i have yet to discover about myself. Who knows, i may be a 'freak'. I guess everyone is a 'freak' one way or another. There's no controlling it. And change is very hard to come by. Adapting to change, its another story...

Peace

Start over

2007-09-25T00:19:00.000+08:00

Alright..
So alot of things happen in which i dont want to care about.
I just got the urge to have a blog.
Okay. Back to basic.

I seriously dont know what to blog about. I guess there's alot in my mind that may cause a concern, in which i dont know where to start.
Also, the blog is still under construction. Not yet to my liking.

Peace.

2007-09-25T00:18:00.001+08:00

Wow